American Horror Story – the ingenious anthology with eight successful seasons now under its belt – has produced some of the wildest characters in television history. Quick in understanding, sharp-edged, and thus destined to destroy with dialogue, the following characters supreme when it comes to murderous confrontation.
From Coven and Apocalypse to Murder House, this list highlights the characters with the greatest ability to build up tension, send cold shivers down your spine and make you laugh at the most inappropriate times with the most inappropriate comments.
Fiona Goode in ‘AHS: Coven’
Fiona Goode – seemingly relentless and unable to accept that her strongest days are in her past – is unpredictably horrific. As soon as you think that Fiona Goode has gone as far as she can go, she cuts another throat without blinking an eye.
Fiona Goode also has some of the most memorable AHS lines. Jessica Lange must have enjoyed supplying the following lines:
“You will never become great women of our clan who is here at Hogwarts”
She is usually innocent. She killed the neighbor, but the bitch was coming “
“You were a messy little witch doubt”
“This coven does not need a new Supreme. It needs a new carpet” (Context: mentioned after accidentally tearing the Madison Montgomery’s throat)
“Perhaps you would have two shithole salons in another century (Context: against Marie Laveau – with the perfect emphasis on” two “- before leaving the Laveau salon).
“In this whole wide world, I am the only thing you should be afraid of.”
Behold Chablis in ‘AHS: Apocalypse’
Depicted by Billy Porter, see Chablis in an instructor at Hawthorne School for exceptional young men and member of the Warlock Council. When it comes to backhanded compliments, sarcasm, irony and superiority-drenched humor, this man is your man. Regarding his best offers, only a few are below.
“If paid money is bugged, I would be richer than Amazon”
“You really are nothing but a softie, are you?” (Context: Madison Montgomery explained after helping a deceased Kit Walker and Violet Harmon find the way back to each other.)
“You surprise me. Under the facade of a heartless narcissist …” (Context: told Madison Montgomery.)
“Of course it’s the black girl you leave behind. See you, Mrs. Supreme! “
Constance Langdon in ‘AHS: Murder House’ and ‘Apocalypse’
Constance Langdon – the depressed alcoholic whose southern clean facade and sly nature are awesome. She is too concerned with her status and appearance, gets involved with a younger man and puts others down to throw herself up.
Langdon has more great quotes than you can count on all your hands and toes, but there are a few below.
“At the end of the day … he meant less to me than dog shit”
“I am Constance Langdon, and this … is my *** house” (Context: the words she uses to make her entrance into the Apocalypse)
“Go to hell” (Context: told Michael Langdon just before he died.)
“There won’t be a pool your stupid slut.”
Marie Laveau in ‘AHS: Coven’ and ‘Apocalypse’
Marie Laveau is a bad Voodoo queen. Quick to take revenge, only a fool (or Fiona Goode) would dare cross Marie Laveau. Marie Laveau’s intimidation is also superbly brought to life by the talented Angela Bassett. Her best lines:
“Too late for tears. Damage has been done”
“Waltzing in here like she’s the queen of England, talking about hammers and nails, looking to start a war … she messed up the wrong witch and she knows it. Now you know it. “
“Do you think I did that? Do I look like the Taliban to you? If I wanted to blind your little wife, I didn’t have to leave my room.”
“Get rid of the trash. Give my regards to Dad”
Madison Montgomery in ‘AHS: Coven’
While Madison Montgomery (Emma Roberts) complains too often and has a little right, it is undeniable that she is vague. She has some of the best lines in the show. Let us think back to:
“And you’re a dried-up, old hot bag, but I don’t judge” (Context: told Myrtle after Myrtle calls her the “worst kind of Hollywood cliché”.)
“Is this where we all sing Kumbaya?”
“Welcome to the carrot-top revolution. Like the next Supreme, I’ll drag the coven from the dark Middle Ages. Crotchless panties for everyone.
“Give the choices around here, it looks like my new best friend. Do you have clothes that don’t come from The Gap?” (Context: told Zoe Benson.)