It is officially a bad idea to attack a pinata in paradise.
Bachelor in Paradise finally gave us that fight that it was promising, and it was just as ridiculous as we always assumed it would be, even if we really wished there was better lighting on that beach. It was the long night of dark!
As far as we could see, Jordan started the fight by messing with the pinata that Christian had set up for his time with Nicole. Christian then attacked Jordan, and Jordan immediately fell back, and they shuffled and at one point Christian entered the beach to follow Jordan.
It was a mess and all the while we were still wondering who the Christian is.
Chris Harrison and the GIP producers then told Christian and Jordan to go, because there is a zero tolerance policy to fight in this show. Nicole then went back to Clay, and the fight was practically forgotten.
After what felt like an eternity, we finally got to the rose ceremony, where Onyeka announced that she couldn’t give a rose and just wanted to leave, leaving the man who thought he was her rose friend, Cam, in the dust, and in tears. What a strange legacy that man left for himself in this franchise.
Eventually Hannah G. chose between Blake and Dylan, and she chose the man who had patiently waited for her to make her choice for this entire season so far. Everyone thought that meant Blake was out, especially since Kristina was the last to hand out a rose, but in a bewildering motion she chose Blake.
She explained that she thought he still deserved to find love and is a good person, but also … now he has to watch Hannah and Dylan fall in love.
Apparently this was just something else that ruined Blake’s paradise (after he was worried, the Jordan / Christian fight would ruin his paradise), even when he still had a date with a girl named Caitlin. (Who?)
He spent half the date explaining his Stagecoach web (surprise, he also met Caitlin at Stagecoach), and then they did tantric yoga together, and it was a lot, but Blake imagined a future with Hannah .
The rest of the night was spent with Demi, who became emotional about her confused feelings for Derek and the girl she’d had at home, and Hannah Brown suddenly came to confuse her more.
The episode ended on a cliffhanger, where everyone dramatically wondered if Demi would leave paradise and if her relationship with Derek was over and what could happen afterwards.
We all know that Demi is not going anywhere and we even know that the girl she was dating, Kristian, will be taking part in the show, and we also know that at some point Derek and John Paul Jones (who solidified themselves) as a favorite in paradise) start arguing, so we’ll have to wait to find out how everything comes together.
Bachelor in Paradise is broadcast on Monday and Tuesday at 8 p.m. on ABC.