It all happens on, under the Mediterranean deck! It all happens! By that I mean that all the food loses its processed boundaries, their cellophane packaging and their frightening horror of having Mila Kolomeitseva die of them because she was fired. Oh sorry, not to sound like Aesha Scott, but I blew my wad too quickly by releasing this spoiler in the very first sentence. Cause premature information!
Anyway, after flicking another charter and barely serving the guests edible food (even if Anastasia Surmava takes over half of the dinner) Mila begs Captain Sandy Yawn for another chance to save himself. Mila promises to stay up all night and watch cooking videos on YouTube for things like, uhm, burning salmon, or cutting onions, or the delicate art of Betty Crocker cake mix, but Sandy can’t risk another charter going into flames in the microwave steaks.
Surprisingly, Mila takes the news closely and treats it with dignity and professionalism. That is far too much maturity for this show and I expected a black widow meltdown straight from a James Bond movie from the cold war, but unfortunately, as Travis Michalzik said, “Back to mother Russia, mother F-ker! “
“People like me have big egos, but sometimes you have to be put a little on the floor,” Mila admits, stuffing her clothes in garbage bags and her collection of rare bottle of salad dressings and aunt Jemima mixes carefully wrapped in bubble wrap. to leave the Sirocco for the last time. Hannah Ferrier suggests that she is applying for a job at Taco Bell. It’s not a bad idea …
Given that it is now 21 hours before the third charter and there is NO CHEF, Sandy has the brilliant idea of simply asking Anastasia to log in until she can find someone. Fearing that she could soon become Mila 2.0 (except that the whole thing is not trained to be the chef of Le Cordon Bleu) Anastasia agrees to do this charter and this charter alone … Until her ego becomes too big to go back to go to superyacht scrubbing toilets, that is!
Travis has experience as a crew chief on another boat, so Captain Sandy decides to just throw him in the galley as sous of Anastasia. This means that both the deck staff and the interior are a size lower. Then she gets on Monster.com and types “Super Yacht Chef” and Kasey from last season’s resume is coming.
Okay, here’s the thing, what if Anastasia couldn’t cook in a fair way? Has Sandy ever even evaluated Travis’s cooking skills? Without these two what would Sandy do? Order a blue apron?! However, I suppose, given what Mila produced, everyone would do it! I mean, I can get an Old El Paso dinner out of a box, and I can also beautify the box with professional experiences on my resume …
The idea of taking on the role of chef throws Anastasia in a panic. She immediately overdrive and plans her menu and is so scared that she is in tears. Anastasia must find one of Mila’s empty tortilla chip bags and breathe in them to avert a panic attack.
With Anastasia in the galley, Jack Stirrup gets stuck when making Aesha beds, and no surprise – beds make Jack horny. Aesha, however, brings it halfway when she shares that her brother died of a brain tumor at the age of 24!
If that wasn’t bad enough, Jack is about to celebrate a birthday and he doesn’t want to. Let’s be honest. Jack wants to be an imp forever; Slipping away from responsibilities and expectations, and birthdays that recognize your age, also come with the burden of being expected to grow up. Jack is Peter Pan.
That night the crew goes out to celebrate that Mila has disappeared. In her honor almost everyone orders quesadillas or tacos. But there was nary a crispy shell, canned grain, or shellacked cheese in sight. Instead, it tastes so good that Aesha literally gives a blowjob to her fork full. That’s a prequel to what is to come when Aesha, a number of drinks in, hits the dance floor on Jack. It was literally that Jack and Aesha made a p.rn. And Colin Macy-O’Toole was signed.
Poor, sheltered Colin, whose mother only shows PG movies when there are no abusive words, has never shown people wasted or dirty dance. What he knows about s.x is that storks bring babies and peepees go into cattle, that’s like putting your head in a hooded sweatshirt, right! Fortunately, Colin finds old people comfort in Hannah, who is trying so hard to be good this season. We all know that soon the dreaded corrupting influence of Travis’ Tinder profile will strike, and Hannah will fall from her high horse into the arms of a dark knight.
I actually blame Hannah’s wavering for the primary guest in the charter! Daniel tried to keep her under control with his clumsy doctor’s son and Hannah realized that her prospects are mainly the sons, their 78-year-old millionaire fathers, or the crew members on a charter yacht that are at least warm and fun and disappear in a few months.
Anastasia went out to dinner early to stress and cries to her friend about how she is stressed. You, it’s so hard to be perfect and to be responsible for saving an entire charter with your genius. If Anastasia could cook in a string bikini, she would really be a modern Bond Girl!
Meanwhile, Jack is in loooovre. Joao Franco advises Jack not to get together with Aesha, because she is not a classy girl. It is just as important for Jack, who regards the scent of Aesha’s farts in his face as pheromones! Joao really too, UGH. M. Changed man. SHUT. UP.
With Aesha not available for sexy times because she bulges her guts, Jack is reduced to a mangina tuck-off with Travis. Which means that they are connected for their lives in their forced celibacy. Oh, these guys. Ironically, the 24/7 raunchy sex talk is the reason why Colin has no connection with his colleagues. Colin wants long, sincere conversations about the Hallmark movie of the week, walks on the beach with a Sno-Cone, holding onto the innocent token of polka music, and double dates with mom and dad at the church.
Colin does not want to hear what should only happen in the matrimonial bed! Joao promises to hold an intervention against sexual harassment to tackle the constant “dick talk”. Joao is now stylish and mature, so he doesn’t want his crew to talk like drunken sailors!
The next day the reality goes into Hannah and Joao’s about how much work they will do when the charter guests arrive. These guests are characters. There is the doctor, the father, half of an undefined ‘power couple’ who clearly goes to the colorist of Donald Trump, his ignored wife, and the daughter Ashley, a budding pop star who no one has heard of yet, who looks at her shoot first video on board Sirocco with the help of a single videographer holding a Sony HandiCam.
To add to the drama, the primaries had their own charter yachts, which means HIGH STANDARDS such as organic champagne. Yes! All you have to do is keep giving them drinks and they will be too drunk to know they are in the ocean. Especially the primary, who seriously looks like a grandfather of Ken Doll. Scary (and in the garbage bin!)
Almost immediately Ashley starts filming her “Good Mawnin” video about waking up and working hard. I was unclear if there was real music playing or if she was just Lip Syncing to the song in her head (with the AutoTune already synchronized), while she swung her arms and walked. That is a skill in some circles! Aesha imitates it’s a better dancer. While Ashley embarrasses himself, the dark editors dub in the picture of the besieged team running around and scouring their donkeys. It’s just as hard to get Dad to buy you a career, boys!
Then Joao sits down with Hannah to strategize on how they can help support Anastasia and keep the boat running. Even Sandy knows that Jack is basically useless, so it will be a shit show. But for once the food is good! Naturally planned to be the best Mila, Anastasia serves a Mexican buffet for lunch with * sigh * homemade tortillas. She has many skills for an untrained chef. The spread includes maize fired! The guests love it. They cannot stop jubilation. That means that the evening meal is busy. Especially because the weather is acting.
Just as the guests get into the water, a squall comes on making high waves, so Sandy decides to move the boat. As Ashley photographs her video on the raft, with Colin and Joao as her ‘back-up dancers’, she is almost thrown away by the wind and she turns her twin braids into helicopter blades. We wish! Colin has at least found someone to contact – he loves Ashley’s song
To move the boat, Sandy has to pull the slide up and attach the toy to drag. Just as Travis goes down for a much needed break, Jack and Colin, who don’t know how to get a pillow from a pillowcase, they begin to struggle to catch up on the slide, so Sandy has woken Travis to help. Then he is back in the galley to help Anastasia with dinner. In the meantime, Joao literally runs all the way to the coast to fasten ropes and then make laps around the boat, doing what he can.
By the time the dinner runs around, everyone is exhausted. Too exhausted to cope with the proposals of a drunk middle boy who you want to bring to your son. Yes, the father suggests that Hannah comes to Thanksgiving with their son because he is a doctor. Did Papa Horrorbucks assume that Hannah was a video hoe looking for a housewife? Seriously, mate, just do a mail order bride like Daniel Jr. that is not possible. Or 90-day fiance! At least Daniel Jr had the dignity to look hurt, the way Hannah carefully closed them before serving the risotto (which they loved). Sandy is also impressed. She thinks that Anastasia has a natural talent for simple dishes that are delicious.
Since the drunken leader ended up in the galley, he asked demanding gnocchi, which he loves more than he loves his wife (probably because he can buy it), which Anastasia made for the main. Fortunately the guests love it! It is certainly a far cry from the packed spaghetti from charter’s yore.
That night, with Joao completely fainted from exhaustion, Jack is on anchor service. A high wind comes on the radar. Sandy decides to move the boat immediately. She woke up Joao and Colin to help because Travis has to be awake at 4 am for anchor watch, followed by breakfast duties.
Colin has never done an anchor trap himself. Now he has to do it in pitch darkness in less than perfect weather. But it turns out to be great and everyone can sleep again. The next morning, Anastasia makes the nicest fruit bowl for the breakfast buffet, along with 300 other things, including light, fluffy, perfectly sized pancakes! A mirage, clear.
Hannah can be great with the guests, but Aesha is great. As she serves – liquor for Brekki for the primary – she even starts singing Ashley’s song “Good Morning”. And good morning it is with edible food!
Sandy suddenly realizes that the view here is below par. And that is important if it becomes the background of the next MTV Video Music Award-winning hit. Do people even seriously watch music videos? So with all the toys already extinguished and the crew already exhausted, Sandy announces it’s time to reload everything to relocate the boat. Even Joao, Mr. Suck-Up, has reached its breaking point and complains about how ridiculous it is. Is Sandy really desperate on this tip or what?
Then to make matters worse, Colin goes upstairs to do the anchor lift. He discovers that the chain is on deck and that he has confused himself. With nowhere else to turn, he is forced to ask Captain Sandy for help before the Sirocco is moored.