Although this episode is very missing in NeNe, we are gifted with one of the other institutions of the Real Housewives franchise: the slogan. I would like to be in the room when this slogan is pitched because they are always crazy and absolutely perfect at the same time. And this year Real Housewives of Atlanta did not call.
The first is Kenya with “I was away with the wind, but I’m back and twice as fantastic.”
Next is Eva with “I live my dream, not beyond my means.” Female dog. We all know that you still are. I still don’t know exactly what your husband is doing and you are buying a new house. Seven of the 12 checks returned.
Cynthia says, “The only time I look back is to see how far I have come.” Did my mother write this without fully understanding the sexual insinuation? Wouldn’t this have been more appropriate for the season when Cynthia bought Lake Bailey? She begged her friend to make a proposal, does not feel like a “look how far I have come” moment. Three out of five COOLS.
Porshas is: “This phoenix has risen. See you ashes.” Conciseness is the soul of shadow. Ten out of ten sides fronts.
Kandi is: “Don’t check for me unless you have a check for me.” ARE. YOU REALLY. THIS ONE. IS. PERFECTION. I need this on a sweater in that curly italic font that is IMMEDIATELY everywhere in Etsy. Twelve of the ten nipple clamps.
Finally the slogan of NeNe (without appearance by the actual NeNe) is: “I am on a spiritual journey and I still travel first class.” As someone who likes to fly first class and admire a good one … well, it’s not exactly a pun, but it’s pretty good. I think NeNe is not exactly associated with extravagant travel? There is room for improvement, but it is pretty solid. Zero from TWO EPISODES WITHOUT A NENE APPEARANCE!
Oof. Let’s get started. It will be positively impossible for me to be objective about this episode and the female struggle within. (Because I know you all come to me for my objectivity. It’s my best quality.) Why will it be impossible? Because, like any other woman older than ‘a real baby’, I have negatively influenced my life by non-shit men. There is only so much media that I can consume that I am not constantly thinking about, wow, women are certainly expected to deal with the consequences of the decisions of men who make the worst decisions at the worst possible time. I think the only thing I can see without thinking is The Great British Baking Show when I completely loosen Paul Hollywood and replace it in my head with a stocky British snowman.
The real emotional power of this season seems to be watching Porsha pick himself up after Dennis ‘the Hot Dog King’ betrayed her. What I didn’t realize before I saw this episode is that Porsha didn’t even know what Dennis had done. Well, I’m sure she knew, but he wasn’t completely cleaned with her. Moreover, the girls try to find out what is real in the blogs, so that they can know exactly how many stones they have to tell Dennis to kick. Most people in Porsha’s life seem to tell her that a small extra-marital affair can be solved. They can fix it if he only had sex with another woman while she was carrying his child. Only if the drugs and bestiality stuff are true would that be a problem. I mean … if any level of bestiality rumors were true, that would certainly be a problem, but is that the level of violation a guy has to cross?
Porsha is determined not to lose PJ time with her father and makes PJ available to Dennis. Even going as far as starting a new text thread specifically to curse him so that they can track baby logistics. Also. ALSO. DENNIS TAKEN THE RING BACK. I’m sorry … WHAT? In which universe does he get the ring back? Porsha should have sold that thing and bought a houseboat for himself, because that doesn’t sound nice?
So what are the other women planning? Well, the guy from Kenya just isn’t there. He jumps on FaceTime to tell her that he does not like how Kenya styled the baby’s hair and that the dogs should not get too close to the baby and that Kenya should not be so competitive with the other babies in the swimming class . Kenya says that although he has other children, he has “forgotten” how to take care of Brooklyn and finds every opportunity to criticize Kenya. He gives her the feeling that she “cannot thrive.” She has to choose her fights when it comes to, yes, talking to her husband about how he makes her feel. She asks when she will see them and he answers with “We will see.”
Throw the entire spouse away.
At a time when the Bechdel test passes, Cynthia talks to Noelle about her time at university and how, in Cynthia’s words, Noelle is “liquid. Flowing. Noelle opposes describing her sexuality and remains the coolest person in this show. She also reminds Cynthia that the only relationship she saw for her was modeled Cynthia and Peter and that she will not accept that. Cynthia clearly has little to no idea how to talk to her daughter about her sexuality, but is supportive and appropriately brave about it.
Kandi meets Marlo and discovers that Marlo has taken care of her sister’s children for the past five months and has become their ‘munty’ or ‘mom aunty’. Terrible word, really great act. They also talk about how NeNe’s relationships with everyone are a bit tense, but Gregg is cancer free so she is ready for a comeback.
Porsha has Shamea for ‘mama cocktails’. What. To be. That. Apparently Dennis went with Porsha to one of PJ’s doctor’s appointments, suggested buying some drinks and watching an entire Netflix series. So they clearly hit. Porsha said it was because she had passed the six weeks and she could have sex again and she is a human person. I love Porsha. She is confused now because she does not want Dennis to think that sex can solve this problem. He has suggested that they go to therapy and Porsha is still on the fence.
In the meantime, Kenya is yelling at Cynthia about Eva? For Eva who accuses Kenya of having bad energy? That lady has bad energy. Eva says she doesn’t trust the energy of Kenya because she doesn’t know Kenya, and I can’t stand that. For some reason, Cynthia defended Eva over Kenya and defended her face. This can only end terribly.
A few days later Porsha goes to therapy in SWEATS and calls her sister, Lauren. She is so nervous about sitting down with Dennis and finding the truth that she has not prepared anything to say to him. Have you ever been in therapy without going over the main lines of what you’re going to say? It is chaos. You finally talk about a moving episode of Law & Order: SVU instead of what your boyfriend said to you that week.
Thirty-five minutes later, Porsha leaves the therapy and, my dear friends, she is destroyed. After she cries in the car, Lauren meets her at her home and tries to talk to her about what just happened. Porsha says that there is no chance of reconciliation without Dennis being completely honest, but she discovered that he felt honest was terrible. He was having sex with someone while she was pregnant and she can’t stop playing all their happy moments in their lives, and wonders which of them have been affected by his actions. All of them?
Lauren takes the tactic of: “Just find a way to forgive him,” with the subtext: “I’m a single mother and it’s hard. It is so hard. “She tries to tell people to do stupid things, and Porsha says,” No. That mess has been calculated. ‘And it makes no difference whether Dennis is human or does something stupid. He hurt her and violated her trust. Isn’t that enough to leave him?
Seeing the pain in both of their eyes right now is rough because Lauren is trying to give advice, maybe she wants someone to give her, or that she had the power to perform. “Forgive him. Have him around. It’s better than being alone.” Porsha tries to imagine a world in which she is worth less than a faithful man and a safe family. She tells Lauren something that I need on a throw pillow: “You freed yourself from a bastard who lets you treat how you knew you didn’t deserve it.”
It’s a bit complicated, but damn it has something powerful to catch.