Trevor Noah was delighted to watch Special Counsel Robert Mueller’s surprise press conference on Wednesday, mainly because he wanted to hear what his voice sounded like.
“You know, we’ve never heard of him,” said the Daily Show presenter. “Think about it. This man was in the news for two years and never said a word. As far as we know, Robert Mueller can talk like a minion.”
And when Noah finally heard what Mueller had to say, he was far from satisfied. Because Justice Department’s policy excludes charges against a current president, Mueller said it was not an option to hold President Trump guilty of a crime. At the same time, he added: “If we had been confident that the President had clearly not committed any crime, we would have said so.”
“Wait, what?” Asked Noah. “If Trump hadn’t committed a crime, would we have said so?” So Trump committed a crime? Or did he just not commit a crime? Robert Mueller, why don’t you just speak English? Even Yoda would be a “confusing report you make”. “
“The press conference was so confusing,” the host continued. “Mueller might as well have come out and said,” Okay, you have a chicken and a fox and a boat, and there is an obstruction on the other side. “”
But as “confusing” in Mueller’s words, Noah said that “most people agree that the underlying message is clear” but “hidden.”
He compared it to asking someone you want to have sex with if they have herpes and they say, “Well, if I had faith that I didn’t have herpes, I would have said that.”
“You’d think this bastard has herpes,” he added before complaining that Robert Mueller refuses to “just come out and say the president has obstruction herpes.”